The wind whispers through my hair leaving a mystical creature.

I went to my grams house which felt weird cause she weren't there. She's at the hospital. The doctors said she only has 1 month to 3 months left to live. So I do the only thing I know how to do when things like this happen. I write. Writing is my dream. I want to write a book, actually I am writing a book but I want to write more. I want to write poems. And recently I decided that I want to write songs. I'll post them here on my diary.

I think about moving away. And thoughts begin to race through my mind.

'What about Josh? How will I be able to see him? When can I see him?'

I don't know anymore. I look for someone closer but they seem to be getting farther and farther away from me each day. I won't give up though. Not after all we have been through. I'll do anything and everything in my power to see him. I hope he understands.

The bare naked truth.

When I went to my grams, a Pastor was there from the church. I was shocked to find out he was a Pastor. I'm not christian or anything, I'm wiccan so I got a little uncomfy even though he didn't know I am wiccan.

I'll miss my gram. What is she dying of?

Cancer-The killer in my family. I am so sick of hearing about that disease and everyone I love and are so close to having it or might have it. Or did have it...no they didn't get cured either.

Love continues on for me.

As I wrote a poem today questions race through my mind. When will I die? Will cancer conquer me too? Will I die 5 minutes from now? Today? Tomarrow? When...when...when! That's all I can think about.

I can just hope that she doesn't live in pain. I hope she doesn't die on my birthday. Someone I really cared about died on my birthday, I still do care about them, and miss them with all my heart.

Too much sorrow to handle.

I think about the pills. My way of saying how much I love life and want to be here. But I keep my promises. So I take the thought out of my mind. Atleast for a few minutes.

~Crystal~